Mollycoddled

I am a father of a two month old baby. I would have posted earlier with unconfined joy, but I couldn't get to it.
After my baby was born, I came to know the hard way that my spouse is being mollycoddled by her mother and to an extent by her father. After child birth a certain degree of responsibility increases for  the father and the mother. My wife on her own, is confident of doing a lot, but its extremely disconcerting to see her mother undermine her confidence. It is as though she wants her to be dependent.
A simple case when the baby had to be bathed, my wife was confident but my mother in law didn't allow her to. It is the duty of parents to instil resonsibility in their children, but here I see my spouse being mollycoddled.
My wife is unable to take her own decisions.
My mother brought up two kids ,one year apart without any maid, in addition to the household responsibilities.
I understand that recuperation is required after child birth, 2 - 3 months. But 5 and half months seems rather long.
What gets on my nerve the most when I say something related to my future, they ask me, 'what about my son ? '. How I wish I could tell them, its none of their business.
At times I feel like a sperm donor.
The other day, I wanted to spend the night with my child and wife, and my mother in law has the nerve to ask me , 'if I am really interested ?'.
One of the things that pisses me off the most is when I talk to my kid in English, I am told to speak in my mother tongue and my mother in law tells the kid that ' he will understand only if spoken to in Tamil'. Not that the kid can understand, but I get irritated.
Truth be told, I have taken a few favours from them. When you have to deal with the scum of the earth like RTO and Registrar's office, you'll always need help to get the job done.
This is when I envy my friends who are settled abroad.
If I had just the confidence to pursue an MS, without worrying about the money.
Men with honour and integrity can live happily in western countries.
By now I have realised that all these pieces of paper, so called degrees are bullshit, at least in this country. If you work hard and persevere, you can achieve anything you like. I know it.
I hate it when some one tries to control my life. I mean , you want to do something, but you have to hear people say what about this , what about that? what about the future.

'I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.' - Ayn Rand.  

The always wanting

It takes a lot of patience and effort to understand the needs of an expecting spouse.
It seems whatever one does, it isn't enough. The fear of labor drives the spouse to such great anxiety that every help done the past seem miniscule.
Pragmatism is construed as insensitivity. I am there to help and to be there during the process. But if I live 500km away, I need to informed ahead of time, how else can I be there. Sarcasm will not yield any result.
I feel like I am soon going to loose control of my life. Goodness is taken for granted.
Whom is it worth living for ? For myself or for someone else ? Is this selfishness or is this honour.
Its surprising that at office I come across as sensitive and at home I am insensitive. What a life ?
I wish I could walk away from it all.

Solo

Before I begin my rant, I should quote Ayn Rand
' I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man nor ask another man to live for mine.'
I was just thinking that every person should have an inner sanctum, a place where no one is allowed to enter, not your parents nor your sibling, nor your spouse.
For me emotion is like a sinusoidal wave, one day you are elated and happy and the next day you are morose and depressed.
The reason for this is  happiness has somehow become people-centric, which is to say highly subjective.
Let me elucidate this further.  I am married and sometimes I feel very happy and joyous in the company of my spouse and sometimes there is anger and pain. There are days that are stressful and we have to work things through.
Thats true of all relations.
The need to interact with other humans is what makes us human.
I feel that many times we dwell on the negative half of the sine wave. A bruised ego.
To make matters worse there will be other influences too, where you or your spouse will have conflicting allegiances. Your wife is also a daughter.
There will be times when you feel that your authority is undermined. I am not talking about being respected, that is something that has to be earned. But I am sure no one would like to get disrespected.
I have to be stoic.
There will be days when things don't go your way at office even though your way is the right way.
There will days when you feel that you are not loved by anyone. You are not a son, nor a daughter but a  responsibility, sometimes explicitly stated.
You are neither a husband nor a wife, you are just added baggage that one has to endure.
Such things are routine and is a part of life.
I can't blame people. If you like a person, you obviously like him/her for certain qualities that he/she possesses.
But these things are routing and pervasive through the entire time line of your life. You can't ride the sine wave. You can only have a DC bias.
In other words, if things go well, the sine is positive, above the bias, but if things go bad the sine is lower than the bias but not less than zero.
There will be ups and down but the band shouldn't go to the negative side.
In equivalent terms, there should be an inner sanctum, a place where no one can reach. Only you can reach.
In office, in addition to the routine task, it could be an area of work or research that just requires a paper and pencil or a computer.
At home it could be a hobby, such as reading a book or a novel or pursuing some other hobby.
It would be difficult at first, it would like being aloof, sometimes wrongly construed as arrogance.
But it has to be done, or else I'll be be blogging again. :P

Anger!

Have you ever felt white hot searing anger? The desire to break something? To destroy anything in sight, to shout profane abuses? To curse a lot ? I felt all that a few moments ago. Thankfully I didn't break anything. Last time I broke my phone.
Those who are married would know what I am talking about.
The subject of the conversation or the reason for anger is secondary. These things are bound to happen. There are times when you will feel anger and pain. There are times when your ego and that of your spouse would be bruised. A man/woman is nothing without the ego or self.
Some people just forget about it, and move on. While other harp on it for a few hours or days.
In the end it is calmness of the mind that matters.
For instance, I just closed the door took a few deep breaths and started writing this post.
I am ready to have a conversation to resolve the issue, but my wife isn't.
Instead of getting angry, I'll just move on and wait till she is ready to have a conversation.

The Viscious cycle

From the contents of my post, one would conclude that I am a pessimist to the core. I am not.
It is just that writing gives me solace. It frees my mind, and helps me stay calm.
Just like everyone else, my life circles around office and home, in addition I have my sitar lessons on weekends.
I may have posted earlier that the commute to office is 30 km one way. The commute to my sitar lessons is 12km one way. I live in a so called luxury apartment. I have no peace of mind though.
The office seems like a gulag and home like a Ghetto. To add to that, I am now supposed to be responsible for the functioning of the Ghetto.
I feel like I am loosing control of my life, and there is nothing I can do about it.
In office, my promotion is deferred by two years. The only measure of competence in my office is the performance in an Interview, which may have no bearing to the work a person does.
Why don't you quit your job and search for a new house then ?
Its easier said than done.
For starters I am not an expert in any area or discipline. When your family views you as source of income and security, there aren't many things you can do.
In office ,the usefulness of people comes before doing what is right. It is as though people follow a prescribed set of unwritten rules to climb the ladder. The basic tenet of going up is not to make sure the more useful people are kept in good humour, even if its means turning a blind eye to the wrong that they are doing.
My bosses are timid, and I have to face the consequences of their timidity.
At home, I am obviously tired after all the commute. I have no friends here. When your family likes the concept of living in your 'own house' to such a great extent that all else is insignificant then there is nothing much you can do, that too when  a baby is on its way.
I have to bear the ambient noise, the responsibility of making things work, even if I can't communicate with the workers here because of a language barrier.
My neighbours and many more can flout the rules of the association, the corporation workers can burn garbage out in the open, letting me breathe intoxicated air in the cleanest city, and there is nothing I can do about it.
I can't get a house in the office quarters, because I didn't make the grade.
I feel like blaming others for whatever is going on, but I can't. I am responsible for my own actions.
The weekdays in the office with all the politics and the weekends at home with all the pain.
Perhaps there are times when, I'll have to take harsh decisions. I just can't stay here, and it becomes uneconomical when I have to travel  all alone to office. Uhhh....god damn it..god damn it to hell.....
LOL..

OUT

Incensed

To think that I would get a computer as soon I entered the Net Center during lunch time, seemed far fetched. But looks like at least luck is on my side for now.
I am writing from my office basically just to let off some steam, and yes the advanced research center where I work does not have easily accessible Internet. The management calls it Information security and I call it Information Paranoia.
We have a net center with 10 computers for a thousand employees. Thankfully many of the old timers are not that tech savvy.
Today being Friday, every one is in  a pious mode. So the first one hour in the office is spent, smoking up the place with incense sticks. Some rituals are also carried out.
I have nothing against that, but it is the acrid smoke that irritates my lung and nostrils. Some may call me blasphemous, so be it.
I do not subscribe to robotic gestures for divine appeasement. 
I am writing this post with smoke in my lungs and nostrils. It is good to know that the net center has been spared of the Incense sticks.

So incensed I am due to incense sticks. And life trundles along. 

OUT...

A New Hope

Obviously I am a Star Wars fan, hence the title.
I thought about the time spent at office, and I've come to realize that I am not an expert in any field. In seven years, I know a little bit of everything, but am not an expert in any particular field. Not Good!
Being an Instrumentation engineer, I have given up hope of gaining expertise in that particular field. The reason being that I have no avenues to get my hands dirty. If one needs to become an expert, one has to gets his hands dirty. So what can I do?
I have a computer in front of me, so why not start coding and automating stuff. Automation is not just  for a plant, one can automate other stuff and add transparency to the system.
There are people who will tell me that numerous people are doing this, why should you do this too. You are an Instrumentation engineer and so on so forth. But I got to do something, and it is the best thing one can do, when the only resource available is a computer.
If all else fails....Code!

When everything goes south

In my previous post I mentioned that I had to attend an interview to get promoted to the next grade. In between the last interview and the recent interview, the promotion rules got modified. A new option was added, which could postpone the promotion by a year.
As luck would have it, I attended the interview and have now got a delayed promotion.
I studied a lot, but there were questions that I could never answer. The composition of thermocouples is not something that I am prepared to commit to my memory. You open a book its available.
I happen to work in the area of simulation and software etc. However, just a day before the interview, I have to wear the mask of an Instrumentation engineer. Thats bad!
Unlike last time, I am not very disappointed. People who are 2 years junior to me would become my peers. My batchmates would either become a year senior or two years senior.  All that doesn't matter, as long as the job is satisfactory. I wish I could say that.
As these promotions are the metric through which one can climb the ladder, and with what has happened, my ladder will be quite short.
I somehow feel at peace and yet there an urgency to jump ship.
I'll have to work towards that.
Obviously, twice in a row is a message of incompatibility. I can't just leave. I have responsibilities.
I have to be an expert in a field and maintain my market value.
As far as Instrumentation is concerned, I think the field is saturated and it is more of managerial work. We don't develop Instruments, we use them.
I am still working on my escape route but who knows, in the end I will be languishing in the same organisation and would be describing my next promotion interview after 6 years.
To quote Andy Dufrense, ' Hope is a good thing and good things don't die'.
I hope that I will enjoy my job, I hope that things will work out, I hope that I'll sleep content, and wake up happy.
I'll work towards that.

The Plan

When it comes to my house, I normally brood and think what have I gotten myself into.
Then I read the book, 'The Martian', I watched the movie long before. In the book (and the movie), I could see how the protagonist an engineer (and a botanist) was analytical and solved all his problems. His problems were a billion times greater than mine are. Getting Inspired from that book and being an engineer myself, I will get down to solve the problem.
To start with I live in a house which is about 28 km from my office. I knew that when I bought the house. After moving in, a road nearby was opened, and now a lot of traffic goes by my house.
The increased vehicular movement has made it very noisy. Somehow I find that most of the people here have a proclivity to honk. In addition, there is ambient noise from the neighbours walls. Last night he turned on his AC. The split unit made a lot of noise. I do not know why he turned on his AC, when the ambient temperature is around 20 deg C. Anyways, I got up in the middle of the night.
My house faces the Road, so in the morning and evenings are cacophonous. I can reduce the decibel level by closing all the windows, but even then, it still is uncomfortable.
In addition, I have neighbours who love to keep their door open and watch TV.
Neither my wife nor I have any friends here. There are many families living here, but we leave in the morning and return in the night. Weekends, I don't know how they fly by.
The obvious solution to this is to move to another house, which is peaceful and nearer to my office.
That presents 2 options.
Option 1 : Take a house on rent.
Option 2 : Move to the office colony.
Now Option1 is an immediate solution, and there are virtually unlimited options.
But moving into a rented accommodation has its own problems, for starters the rent increases yearly. There are virtually very less modification that one can carry out. The owner may object to banging nails etc. And there is always a likelihood, that I may have to vacate.
Option 2 on the other hand depends on many factors. There are three colonies for the office. Two of them are in the city and one of them is in the outskirts of the city. My office is also on the outskirts of the city. The colony that is located on the outskirts which I shall call colony 3, is okay and houses are available, but it is near the office (in fact to close for comfort), and being the outskirts, the power cuts are more and the nearest supermarket is about 15km away. That won't be a problem, because I order veggies online. But it is really remote, and I am sure, my wife won't like it.
There are two other colonies, Colony 1 and Colony 2. Colony 1 is beyond my pay grade(I'll come to that later). Colony 2 is in the city, in a very good area. Many shops nearby, a nice and vibrant place.
But most of the employees are seeking colony 2. It has a play ground and the dispensary is located within the colony. It is also very old.
Colony 1, is just one step above my pay grade. I would have been eligible, had I cleared the promotion interview. But I didn't.(I mentioned that in my previous post.)
Colony 1 is about 5 km from were I stay, but it is located in a very calm and quiet place. And it is bang in the centre of the city. Lots of amenities around.
So I guess my best bet is to wait it out till I get eligible for the Colony 1. The next promotion interview is in January 2017. I need to clear that 'son of bitch'.
Clearing the interview is completely unrelated to the amount of work I do(my productivity). All I have to do is study like a mad man and answer the questions that are posed. Nothing else matters.
That gives me six months to prepare.
I can't study at home(Too much Noise :P ). I have to study at office.
Earlier I thought I'll write GRE, or the German equivalent. But all that will not work out, not when you're married.
On working days, I am loaded with work and even if I am not, the atmosphere is not conducive to studying.
I will have to go to office on weekends to study. Can't help that.

The Up and The Down

A couple of years after I joined my work place, a senior colleague of mine, received  a coveted award for his contribution to the facility. I know him well and was happy for him. A part of me just wondered, if I would receive such an award one day. I told my self to stop fantasizing. I was an underdog all through high school. Not that I had fun, I just couldn't digest things the way they were. I worked hard, had my nose in all the prescribed book, but nothing would get inside. The results got my parents worried, can't blame them though, and I felt inferior.  In college I did better. The prescribed books were far better, and most of them penned by foreign authors.
 Getting my current job was a real morale booster. And I thought thinking about the award is a little far fetched. I stopped thinking about it.
I went on about work, giving it my best. And then after 4 years, I got nominated for the award and received it four months later. I was elated. I took my wife along, for the award ceremony.
More importantly, I got back my confidence. I felt that I could achieve many things, solve a lot of problems. I worked harder with more confidence.
Coincidentally, I had to attend a Promotion Interview for promotion to the next grade.
The Interviews are conducted in the HQ. The HQ prides itself in being a premier research centre. We are not exactly a research centre. The Interview committee consists of senior officials from the HQ.
Here is something important that needs to be highlighted.
The HQ is a full fledged research centre, where the primary focus is on research. We on the other hand are supposed to have a primary focus of Production, but unfortunately our office is torn between these two fundamentally incompatible values.
I believe, that the purpose of a production centre is to get the job done. However in a Research Centre, like our HQ, emphasis is laid on assimilating knowledge, with little or no output. The primary focus of most of the people, I believe is to publish papers.
Now I had to prepare for the interview. Normally a write-up is sent for the reference of the committee. The candidate is also aware of the contents of the write-up.
Being an Instrumentation Engineer, my job description should have automation projects using PLCs etc. However due to certain managerial issues, I was restricted to Relay Logic technology only. I worked on Relays for a year and a half, thinking I would be assigned to PLCs. That didn't happen.
I guess some people were insecure and some were timid, and I was stuck in between them.
Fortunately, due a person working in a different group, I could do something that was intellectually stimulating and after completing that task I received an award.
Before the interviews, there were mock interviews and my superior told me that it would be embarrassing for him and me, if I claimed that I hadn't worked in the domain of PLC etc.
So here I was spending precious time reading about PLCs and it features, despite not working on it. I felt frustrated. I read almost everything in my writeup.
Along with a colleague who had to attend the same interview, I went to the HQ.
We were given a room, next to the rooms of PhD scholars, and Trainees. Needless to say, the rooms were dirty and extremely obnoxious. We got it changed and it was the same in other room. In addition my colleague was a snorer. Not that I can blame him for that. A night before the interview, I didn't sleep. A day before, my domain expert asked me read some complicated equations. (Domain experts are people who are supposedly experts in the domains in which I work.)
The next day, I was groggy. In the Interview, I was not at my best. On top of that, I was being interrogated and intimidated by certain panel members. There were some irrelevant questions too.
I didn't make it.
I was devastated. I didn't know what to do. I was completely demoralized.
An award winner and a loser.
I was ashamed to go back to office. How could I face people in my office ?
I somehow went to office. From the car park to my desk, I could feel a lump in my throat.
I would be constantly reminded of my failure by people who actually cared and people who just needed fodder for gossip.
And there were those, who would ask me How can an award winner fail in an Interview.
I doubted myself, if I received the award on merit or was it just a random selection.
A few days passed, I thought I should pursue higher studies in a foreign country, then decided against it.
I initiated the expansion of my project, because it would help the office and was truly motivating.
At home, I read a management book that my father suggested, ' The Effective Executive ' by Peter Drucker. There were many good points in the book. One that relates to my Interview fiasco is that performance in school is a measure of promise that a person can deliver, however it is the actual work that a person does that counts.
Keeping this in mind, I could make peace. I worked hard, I got the job done, that's why I am getting paid. But I couldn't answer some questions and couldn't show promise. But I did some awesome work on my own, which was satisfying and met the targets of the office.
But some times I do feel a pang of sad emotions.

Under one roof

When the office seems like paradise, home is like an empty well, welcome to the gateway of hell.
Soul less and mind less we fall into a trap, the trap that revolves around a fire with a guise of a new beginning. 
People wash off their hands, as it is just a mere responsibility.
Laughing faces, smiling faces, content faces, all a farce.
Illogical traveling and maudlin dramatics, that is just the tip of the ice berg.
The honks and the race, just to add salt to an open wound.
The screw and the nut, all but mis matched.
And there passes multiple hours, under the same roof, with honks and races, and curses.
And behold the weekends come, the dreaded weekends, where the only solace is a metal string with a sweet melody.
And time goes on, with the demand to produce, to make the last mistake. The last nail in the coffin of my life.
But all in vain, as the screw and nut don't make the fit.
There seems to be a a dark tunnel in front with no light at the end, and there by goes life with honks and races to remind me of hell.
Living life for others, that is not the way to go,  but alas that is exactly what we do.
No respect, no love, its an arrangement that has no fun.
So help me god, as I am going nuts.


 

A Taste of Politics

I 've heard a lot of people talk about politics in the office. I never really understood what it really meant. But after five years of working , I have come to realise its meaning in a true sense. It all started when I was assigned a project. I worked on it for a solid two and a half years. I toiled in front of the computer. During that time people discouraged me from using the technique, I was using because it seemed difficult and complicated. I finished it just recently and presented it in our annual technical seminar. After my presentation, looking at my future work, I was invited by a Director of another institute to visit a similar project of his institute.  I was happy and overjoyed.
I started working towards that project. But when it came to visiting that place, suddenly many people got interested. All of them were assigned similar projects, but they did not even complete a tenth of their job. Fine, I said to myself, as long as my project is not affected, I really don't care, if other people tag along with me.
We visited the place and gained a lot of knowledge.
After returning, I briefed my immediate superior. To my surprise, a meeting was convened at 1600 hrs with the other 3 members of the team and other people who were in my previous section (before the organizational restructuring).
Over there they were talking about a project team to be formed, the area for the new project. And all this by the person who is not at all involved in the work I did. And people who have no idea what work i have completed, are stating that my work has come to 'some shape'.
All of sudden my future project has become everyone's collective project. And I feel like I am being pushed from the driver seat on to the pavement.
It seems to me that the primary purpose of their interference in my work is climb up the ladder, sycophancy runs in their veins. I felt really miserable yesterday.
People are dictating terms to me on how I should carry out my project.
This I think is what feels like politics. Merit, Righteousness is far far away.  Definitely not in the same scale, but I felt like Steve Jobs who was fired from the company he started. But I will also remember what he said ' I still love what I do'.

Give me some Peace

Literally.
I tried a lot to avoid writing this post. Tried to convince my self otherwise. But the Truth is the Truth. The only way I can some peace of mind is to write about it. Literal peace is a long way away.
So here I am living in luxury apartment which is about 27 km from my workplace. Not only that, it is far from other 'happening' places. And this is just one of the problems that I am facing. One may ask , " Then why the hell did you buy it ?"  Well thats a long story. And added to all that, I keep having skirmishes with my wife, because I keep complaining about this 'shit hole'. Yes I am calling my house that.
It all started, when my wedding was fixed. I had to search for a house. I loved my existing 1 BHK, decent rent , peaceful, a big park in front, overlooking the hills. My parents and relatives were convinced that I had to move out of that paradise, because it didn't have two bedrooms. How could we entertain guests, relatives etc. I had two choices, To rent a house or to buy a house.
The rent rates in the good areas had gone up. In fact I asked a colleague advise about renting a house and even paid an advance, in a hurry. I didn't understand if the colleague was helping me or was trying to get popular in the neighbourhood.
In the end I ended up not taking that house, for its dungeon like characteristic. I got back the advance though. I then started to search for houses online, this time with a view of purchasing. I saw an add and went to see the house. It was located about 10 km from my previous residence. It was way far from my office and house, so I just had a look and decided that it was too far. The house was completely furnished and the quality was good too. It was situated on the top most floor.
When I discussed this with my parents and relatives, they convinced me otherwise. Maybe a part of me wanted this house too, I don't know.
But in the end I am living in a luxurious apartment which far away from just about every thing. It also overlooks a connecting main road. So no prizes to guess the amount of traffic noise i have to hear.
The problem is that people become so emotionally attached to houses that even the very notion of moving to a tolerable place makes them loose their cool.
So here I am in noisy shit hole far far away I travel 56 km every day, which is downright stupid, but what can I do ?. So Help me God!

Some Thoughts...

It has been about a month since I watched a satirical movie on blind faith in religion. I am sure you all know what movie I am referring to. For me it reinforced many things that I could never understand.
There are many incidents that seems to be ironical to the very basis of belief in God.
I went to the Chamundi hills yesterday. Needless to say it was crowded.
We stood in the queue and went along inside where I could see a lot of people folding their hands in devotion. A guard was in-charge of crowd control and he kept asking people to move ahead, in not a very polite manner.
Another enclosure, which leads to a better view of the Goddess was guarded and only certain 'privileged' people are allowed access there. I could see a man giving the guard 100 bucks to get into the enclosure.
I was shocked.  As per me a temple is an abode of righteousness and morality. How can a person blatantly bribe a guard and get in ? Isn't this against the very tenet of the teachings of God, whatever religion it be.
On the roads too, I see people driving while talking on cell phones. Two wheelers dancing on the road and four wheelers going at a phenomenally low speed.
But, when a place of religious importance is seen, they dutifully touch their hands to their four heads or some other such action. Why ?
Another example is my neighbor. Money can buy a quality house, but there are certain things money can't buy, a civilized neighbor.
That guy has hijacked the common area, with all his slippers strewn around. He keeps the door of his house open and sits half naked. His TV and woofer will be blaring loud at all times of the day. But every morning while going to lift I see him performing some kind of penance with incense sticks and a bell. I saw him today and he was draped in orange.
It seems to me as though most people think they can be as immoral as they like and expect to be absolved from all their sins by performing some rites and rituals.
It saddens me to see this every day.

Officer's Mess

I am going to describe the memorable experiences in an Army Officers' Mess. Being the son of an Army Officer,  I had quite a good grasp on table manners, I thought I did, but there were times when I went overboard. One such thing happened  an Officers' mess.
When me moved to Delhi, we spent a couple of weeks in the Mess, before getting an accommodation. The dining room in the mess had strict timings which were displayed outside.  There were many more unwritten rules. When we enter we must wish everyone there. Good morning uncle , sir blah blah. The plate would be upside down and a neatly folded napkin placed next to it. We had take the napkin and put on our lap and then turn the plate to its correct position. The glass would be placed next to it and the same had to be done with the glass.
There were forks, spoons and knives on either side of the plate. I personally love eating with my hand, but we would be looked upon by other as though we committed a crime.
Many of the people there would ask us what we were doing etc. I found some to take genuine interest, but the others it seemed were just faking it. A part of the protocol I suppose.
I remember one incident where I took a bread toast and tried eating it with a knife and fork.
I somehow managed to fold the toast into half picked it with my fork and thrust in into my mouth.
The bread behaved like a spring and the moment i pulled out the fork it opened up. Half the toast in my mouth and the other half outside. The little girl in front of me looked amused, as I embarrassingly pulled out the toast from my mouth.
Once during lunch, as I went to the dining hall, I saw some guys enjoying their meal with their hands. As I sat down after customary greetings, I found out that these guys were civilians who were here for some official purpose. I was most comfortable and relaxed while having food with them.
During dinner, I was once served bread, and the pudding that is normally served after dinner was served before. I just applied butter on the bread and consumed it. Later when I tasted the salty ' pudding', I realised it was Russian salad. No wonder the people sitting in front of looked amused.
I never felt comfortable eating the mess.
Soon we got our accommodation and I didn't have to eat in the mess again.

In the Company of Leeches - My Second Trek

In the month of October, my work place organized another trek. I was one of first to register. We trekked in the Aralam Wildlife sanctuary, in the Kannur district, near Irrity in the state of Kerala. It was a monsoon trek, and there were lots of incidents that I'll remember.
We started on a pleasant Saturday Morning, 41 of us including 4 ladies and our guide. The Trek was flagged of by the head of our organization.
We left Mysore at around 8 in the morning. We went via Virajpet. On the way we halted for breakfast, Idily, vada sambar, chutney and something else that was sweet , can't recollect the name. It was delicious. We crossed into Kerala by around 1300hrs and we had Lunch. We then continued with our Journey and reached Aralam Wildlife Sanctuary by around 1600hrs. It was drizzling.
A lot of people were talking about Leeches. I've heard of them, only when someone describes someone else. But now I think I have to take the literal meaning.
We took a walk to the bank of the river nearby and the path, it seem had leeches. I was wearing my trekking shoes and a pant and a raincoat. I didn't think a leech could cross all those lines of defense. But when we reached, I just casually lifted my pant a bit, to my shock there were three black things just above my sock. I was now donating blood to the nature. I tried yanking them off, but they wouldn't budge. Then a veteran trekker taught me to remove them by their suckers and then roll and toss them. I was now on the lookout, I kept looking down and walking. When I reached the dormitory, our abode for the night, I changed. On the table I saw a packet of salt. It seems that leeches don't take salt. In fact they seem to burst when in contact with salt. While I was just sitting and talking with my friends, one of them pointed out that there were not one but two leeches sucking blood from between my toes. Then the salt experiment was carried out and the leeches were killed and some blood saved and some sprayed.
The night I slept well, though initially I had a fear of leeches coming for a midnight snack.
The next morning, someone suggested that I wear shorts. The reason being that leeches can at least be seen climbing the leg. So I decided that I wear shorts.
It was a 14 km uphill trek to a waterfall.
We also rubbed some solution, a concoction of some jungle friendly anti leech elements. Unfortunately it didn't work for me.
After about 2km, I yanked a leech from the back of my knee. As I kept walking I saw that many leeches were waiting on the leaves on the ground in vertical position to jump onto our shoes. While I trekked I kept removing  Leeches from my shoes, before they get get to flesh using small twigs.
I noticed that while I stop at a place to remove two or three leeches, another 3 would climb up.
After dusting of leeches and walking for about 8 Km the gradient became steep. To make matters worse, it was humid and my DSLR was also heavy. After a while it started to rain. I took out my raincoat, I was now sweating inside.
After a while I didn't bother about the leeches, I was too tired.
We finally reached the top and then we could see the mesmerizing waterfall.
We had lunch there, and then we went back to the base camp in jeeps. The jeeps had a lot of leeches too. One bit my neck, one bit my elbow. Before things got worse we reached the dormitory.
I took a bath in the river nearby, another first for me.
We then headed for Mysore, I reached home at around 1 in the morning.
I had a very good time and now I can say that I can take on leeches (real ones) anywhere.

Trek - Part 1

I always wanted to go on a trek in a densely forested area. I got to do it last November. My office organised a trek to 'Pushpagiri' also know as 'Kumara Parvatha'. There were about 30 of us. I paid the fee and completed all the formalities. We left from Mysore in the Morning in a hired bus after the Manager flagged off the journey. We had breakfast en route. It was a two day program. On the first day, we would visit a waterfall and then reach the base camp. I don't remember the name of that particular water fall. What I do remember, is that we had to walk for at least 3km both ways on treacherous terrain. A heads up though, my definition of treacherous would be heavily altered on Day2.  I was tagging along with a senior colleague who had an encyclopaedic knowledge of flora and fauna. I got to know the names of some species of butterflies and birds. Since we were looking at butterflies, we reached the waterfall long after the first group reached. I never ever step into water at outings, but since today I was equipped with a swimming costume, I decided to take a dip. I stepped on a stone that was covered with slippery algae and fell down into the water and bruised my leg. It was a well learnt lesson. Watch your step! After wrapping up, we headed to the base camp. The local temple was our abode for the night. My water bottle got empty, so i asked the team leader for water. To my surprise, he asked me to collect water from the nearby tap, which was coming from the mountain top. That was my first gulp of unfiltered water, it was good, as there aren't many pollutants on the mountain top. We slept in the temple premises, it was a new experience. The night was cold and quiet. My  seasoned trekker friend, got up at three in the morning to take a bath in frigidly cold water. How do i know that? He was sleeping besides me, and in the night i got up looking at some one shivering, actually shaking with cold and rubbing himself with his towel.
The next morning we got up early as we had to leave by 0800 hrs, we walked for about a kilometre and then reached the forest guard or some forest office. All of us signed a document there. The language being kannada, I couldn't make head or tail. But most likely it would have a been a document that indemnifies the forest officials from any responsibility in the event of any damage to the limbs or loss of life.
We entered the forest. There was a trekking path as this place is frequented by trekkers. We started walking. I saw a board that displayed that the distance to the summit is 20km.  An upward trek of 10 km. I was excited.
In a single file we started, I took a few snaps here and there. Within a kilometre the  trek path became uneven and treacherous. We had to walk and climb and I was wearing a very heavy shoe, supposedly designed for trekking. I soon grew tired and exhausted and then arose the need to consume water, and just like the temple, I was asked to consume water from the stream that was flowing nearby. I was a bit reluctant, but when your thirsty and in a jungle, you don't have a choice. I drank some water and to my surprise it was pristine, and cool. It was the purest form of water i ever had. I took some more gulps and kept moving. After the first 7 km we took a break. We then started again and then the terrain became extremely treacherous, the inclination was now 30 degree, no less. I was becoming extremely tired and after about about had hour, I was thinking to myself, if i did the right thing to participate in this trek. I was overcome with exhaustion. Our breaks were now 2 km apart. We were right in the middle of the hilly jungle. We could hear all kinds of noises. The sun rays barely reached the ground beneath us. We kept going and then came a steep climb on plain rock. That was the most treacherous part. I must thank my shoes, the grip was so good that i felt like spiderman, where everyone else was struggling. We crossed this hurdle and then there was the climb to the summit. Surprisingly that wasn't very steep and we reached the top. I was overjoyed and felt a sense of accomplishement. We roamed around the top, and sat down to have our lunch. The trip to the top took us 4 hours. It was 1400 hrs in the afternoon and we had to get back before dark.
We took photos etc and then we started our descent.
Going downhill wasn't tough, in this journey gravity was on our side.  I walked fast and my heavy shoes was useful as i needn't worry about pebbles and twigs.  Soon, I started feeling thirsty. I went faster and faster with the aim to reach the small stream, which was half way down. Through the thick forrest and terrain we went and soon I reached the stream.

Trek Part 2 - (Triangle head)

I was overjoyed. The sound and sight of water made me feel good. I was about to take my first gulp of water, when a thought occurred to me.  There was a big wooden log across the stream at a height, such that the water could flow freely under it. Beyond the wooden log i could see upstream. I thought why not cross the Log and drink 'fresher' water from up stream. I made my way thought the pebbles and rocks and went under the log. I touched the water, it was very cool. I then drank plenty of water, and i filled my bottle. Just then a colleague of mine reached the stream and asked for water.  I handed him the bottle and he gulped down its contents. I then went again to fill my bottle. This time another colleague came along. We were under the log, when all of a sudden i saw something moving near my foot. My colleague had just lifted his foot and that thing made a sudden dash towards my colleague's legs, The triangle headed snake just missed his legs. I warned him and we immediately came out of there. Later on I found out that the snake that just missed my colleague's leg was a Malabar Pit Viper.
We didn't know the exact species of the snake, but i triangle head made it seem like a venomous viper. Only later did I know that it was malabar pit viper,  venomous snake, but a bite wouldn't kill. I thanked my blessings and we moved on. Going downhill was fun. After drinking a lot of water, I needed to empty my bladder. Another first for me was taking a leak in the forest.
We then reached the end of our journey and headed back to the base camp. We had tea and started for Mysore.  The driver had lost his way somewhere in Madekeri and then he got back onto the correct route. We didn't loose much time though. I reached Mysore late in the night and then I went home tired and happy.
This was my first trek and I enjoyed it a lot . 

Here I am yet again, staring into an abyss all the way. I can't see far, but yet i can see, a forlorn figure who looks at me. I see the pitiful face, the furrowed brows the hollow cheeks, the gloomy eyes. He stares at me, his stare never leaving me. A familiar face, it seems to me, but a strange feeling of despondency gripping me, I strained my eyes and my mind, but that came of no avail.
The Sun above moved away, but tonight there will be no moon. I stare and stare until my eyes hurt. I couldn't let go, the forlorn figure never giving me respite.
I look up and see the sky turning black as the clouds comes by in. I looked down and see those staring eyes. It rained,it poured, water diluting my sweat.
Enervated i felt, turning on my back, i saw the sky, the water piercing my face.
I closed my eyes and felt lost, but i hang on and fall asleep.
I opened my eyes to see the sky, bright and blue, the sun drying my hair. Into the abyss I see a smiling face greeting me, the face fading as the sun shone bright, the water evaporated and filled the sky, and the puddle became dry.

Clerical Error

It was two years ago. A letter addressed to me arrived in my mail box. It was from the chairman of the interview committee for Technicians and Assistants. My organization has two managers and i report to one manager and this came from the other. The letter was to the point and asked me to sort the list of candidates based on marks, date of birth etc. A job that is completely clerical in nature, for which i am over qualified. I understand the concept of dignity of labor. The story of George Washington, I still remember. If it comes to that I shall definitely not hesitate to do any kind of job. But our organization has a big administrative office with lots of people who can easily do this particular job. To some it may seem like rationalization. But what a describe next is a form of self righteousness. I already have my share of mundane work. I am not a clerk and the job is not an emergency and there are people who are specifically recruited to do this job.
I earlier mentioned that i have two managers, the one i report to will be called henceforth Manager1 and the second one who alloted this task will henceforth called manager2.
After thinking for a while and also considering the possible ramifications, i jotted down a letter addressed to Manager2/Chairman stating, in fact requesting that i be removed form this particular committee. The committee was scheduled to meet at 1500. Since by that time i didn't receive any call from the manager's office, I came to the conclusion that my request had been accepted.
During those days I traveled to office by bus . The bus leaves sharp at quarter to six.
I got a call from the manager's office at 1720 hrs. The secretary informed me that my manager, manager1 wants to meet me immediately and the secretary advised me to get my bag along, which meant that i may have to go directly to the bus stand. I was full of trepidation, not because I had to meet my manager, but the possibility of missing my bus seemed high.
Our office is 19 km from the city and if you miss your bus, it'll take you 2-3 hours compared to the normal half hour to get home.
I went to his cabin. He seemed to be slightly upset. Sit down he said. Thank you I replied and sat. He looked at me and then asked me why i didn't want to do that job. In no other words i replied that it  was insipid and clerical in nature. I could see his eye brows raise slightly. Not a good sign. He then remarked that he didn't expect this from me, to which i had nothing to say. He added that my seniors do this job on a regular basis, to which again I had nothing to say.
He then took the letter that i had given to manager2  and kept in front of me. I could see a handwritten ' manager1 please advise! ' on it.
He ran out of patience and asked me whether I would do it or not. I looked at his eyes for at least one minute and then asked him ' With all due respect, what if I don't' . He then told me that it would construed as indiscipline. no both of us were staring at each other for at least 3 minutes. I then suddenly remembered, I need to go to Mumbai for my own benefit every month and this guy authorizes it. So i said okay to this task. I was asked to apologize to Manager2 and i did so.
It looked at the watch, it was 1755hrs. I then hurried to the gate. On my way I saw the two managers over take me in their private vehicle and neither of them offered me a ride home, knowing well that i would have missed the bus.
I reached the gate to see that my bus had broken down and alternate arrangement was being made to drop a few people home. I joined them and reached home.
I was a bit distressed and sad, that i had consented to do this job. I couldn't think of anything else. I had to collect my dinner from a family nearby and go to a friend's house to have it along with him. I was very morose. Normally there are two of us having dinner, but that day there were 3. I couldn't stop thinking about that incident, i felt defeated. I asked my friend there to suggest an alcoholic respite. I was sad, he was happy, for he liked to consume liquor. It was my very first time here. I saw people drinking booze when depressed. So we went to a shop nearby and bought a lot of items, i think it was two bottles of white rum and a few bottles of a mild alcoholic drink. We had to mix them and have it.
I took the first gulp, it was strong and acrid. I didn't like it. But I didn't want to waste it. So i drank it. My head went for a spin. The third guy refrained from drinking. I was still sad, i reluctantly let the glass be filled again. My friend asked to consume it, as all that had to be finished. I think he must have had the lion's share as i didn't like it much and he loved it.
After that session, I was sad, depressed and intoxicated. My movements were wavering. The third guy dropped me home. I climbed the stairs and the next morning he picked me up and went to play football as we do every weekend. I was still sad, but alcohol didn't help.
I did the job. To my surprise, even after arguing with him , my manager graded me well for the year.