Here I am yet again, staring into an abyss all the way. I can't see far, but yet i can see, a forlorn figure who looks at me. I see the pitiful face, the furrowed brows the hollow cheeks, the gloomy eyes. He stares at me, his stare never leaving me. A familiar face, it seems to me, but a strange feeling of despondency gripping me, I strained my eyes and my mind, but that came of no avail.
The Sun above moved away, but tonight there will be no moon. I stare and stare until my eyes hurt. I couldn't let go, the forlorn figure never giving me respite.
I look up and see the sky turning black as the clouds comes by in. I looked down and see those staring eyes. It rained,it poured, water diluting my sweat.
Enervated i felt, turning on my back, i saw the sky, the water piercing my face.
I closed my eyes and felt lost, but i hang on and fall asleep.
I opened my eyes to see the sky, bright and blue, the sun drying my hair. Into the abyss I see a smiling face greeting me, the face fading as the sun shone bright, the water evaporated and filled the sky, and the puddle became dry.

Clerical Error

It was two years ago. A letter addressed to me arrived in my mail box. It was from the chairman of the interview committee for Technicians and Assistants. My organization has two managers and i report to one manager and this came from the other. The letter was to the point and asked me to sort the list of candidates based on marks, date of birth etc. A job that is completely clerical in nature, for which i am over qualified. I understand the concept of dignity of labor. The story of George Washington, I still remember. If it comes to that I shall definitely not hesitate to do any kind of job. But our organization has a big administrative office with lots of people who can easily do this particular job. To some it may seem like rationalization. But what a describe next is a form of self righteousness. I already have my share of mundane work. I am not a clerk and the job is not an emergency and there are people who are specifically recruited to do this job.
I earlier mentioned that i have two managers, the one i report to will be called henceforth Manager1 and the second one who alloted this task will henceforth called manager2.
After thinking for a while and also considering the possible ramifications, i jotted down a letter addressed to Manager2/Chairman stating, in fact requesting that i be removed form this particular committee. The committee was scheduled to meet at 1500. Since by that time i didn't receive any call from the manager's office, I came to the conclusion that my request had been accepted.
During those days I traveled to office by bus . The bus leaves sharp at quarter to six.
I got a call from the manager's office at 1720 hrs. The secretary informed me that my manager, manager1 wants to meet me immediately and the secretary advised me to get my bag along, which meant that i may have to go directly to the bus stand. I was full of trepidation, not because I had to meet my manager, but the possibility of missing my bus seemed high.
Our office is 19 km from the city and if you miss your bus, it'll take you 2-3 hours compared to the normal half hour to get home.
I went to his cabin. He seemed to be slightly upset. Sit down he said. Thank you I replied and sat. He looked at me and then asked me why i didn't want to do that job. In no other words i replied that it  was insipid and clerical in nature. I could see his eye brows raise slightly. Not a good sign. He then remarked that he didn't expect this from me, to which i had nothing to say. He added that my seniors do this job on a regular basis, to which again I had nothing to say.
He then took the letter that i had given to manager2  and kept in front of me. I could see a handwritten ' manager1 please advise! ' on it.
He ran out of patience and asked me whether I would do it or not. I looked at his eyes for at least one minute and then asked him ' With all due respect, what if I don't' . He then told me that it would construed as indiscipline. no both of us were staring at each other for at least 3 minutes. I then suddenly remembered, I need to go to Mumbai for my own benefit every month and this guy authorizes it. So i said okay to this task. I was asked to apologize to Manager2 and i did so.
It looked at the watch, it was 1755hrs. I then hurried to the gate. On my way I saw the two managers over take me in their private vehicle and neither of them offered me a ride home, knowing well that i would have missed the bus.
I reached the gate to see that my bus had broken down and alternate arrangement was being made to drop a few people home. I joined them and reached home.
I was a bit distressed and sad, that i had consented to do this job. I couldn't think of anything else. I had to collect my dinner from a family nearby and go to a friend's house to have it along with him. I was very morose. Normally there are two of us having dinner, but that day there were 3. I couldn't stop thinking about that incident, i felt defeated. I asked my friend there to suggest an alcoholic respite. I was sad, he was happy, for he liked to consume liquor. It was my very first time here. I saw people drinking booze when depressed. So we went to a shop nearby and bought a lot of items, i think it was two bottles of white rum and a few bottles of a mild alcoholic drink. We had to mix them and have it.
I took the first gulp, it was strong and acrid. I didn't like it. But I didn't want to waste it. So i drank it. My head went for a spin. The third guy refrained from drinking. I was still sad, i reluctantly let the glass be filled again. My friend asked to consume it, as all that had to be finished. I think he must have had the lion's share as i didn't like it much and he loved it.
After that session, I was sad, depressed and intoxicated. My movements were wavering. The third guy dropped me home. I climbed the stairs and the next morning he picked me up and went to play football as we do every weekend. I was still sad, but alcohol didn't help.
I did the job. To my surprise, even after arguing with him , my manager graded me well for the year.

unglad rags and obsessive cleaning disorder.... :P

Now that everything is finalized, tradition dictates that a lot of clothes must be bought. My parents, along with my uncle and aunt were here for the weekend.
I am not very particular about keeping things organized and my house does seem a bit dirty, maybe thats an illusion. Every time a lady comes to my house, she turns the house upside down and gets it 'cleaned', and claims that I keep my house in a very dirty state. At times, while cleaning , we do find a cockroach here and there, dead or alive. They too have a right to survival :) .
I understand their need to keep the house spic and span , so before their arrival, I cleaned the house ,the toilet and bathroom.
They came home and remarked that my house is better than the last time they visited. I was glad that they wouldn't start cleaning again. I went to get some provisions. When I came back, i saw all the doormats outside the house. I went in and saw the whole house being cleaned again. They some how managed to find more dirt and dust. (or perhaps they got it with them :P ).
After the cleaning session was over, we had one big bag of dirt and about a dozen dead cockroaches. I guess I'm not a good cleaner afterall.
But I must say, the house looked a lot cleaner after they cleaned the house and as per them it was 'livable' now.
They even got me to clean my bike.
The next item on the agenda was shopping for clothes. I am not fond of shopping. The last time I bought a shirt, the people who came along me had to wait for 2 hrs. I guess I'm very finicky about the color, texture and material. 
But what has to be done has to be done. I asked them to buy the shirt and pant for me using the size, but they wouldn't listen. I had go along with them.
We went to a store about 3 km away first. I looked at what they had to offer. I saw a thread coming out from here and there on one of the items, so i rejected it.
Then I didn't like the color of some of them, some were too translucent.
So after about 1 hr , I got what i wanted. My father too got bored. He started tinkering around with his phone. I  wasn't very sure, but I was getting bored and I decided to get what i had in my hand.
I was happy that now we could go home. But then they told me another pair is required. So we went to another store. This time I had select a shirt and a pant. I was thoroughly bored,  I saw a shirt that I somewhat liked and decided to get it.  Then came selecting the pant. I was asked to get some material and get it stitched. I went to the counter and one after another, he kept pulling out material from the shelf. This has a good fall, this color is good, the texture is good and so on and so forth. My father suggested a material and I immediately said yes. It saved me the trouble of selecting the material.
Now we could go back and do something more interesting. But alas, i was wrong again, it seemed that the tailor was on his way. He would be there in around 10 minutes.I kept pacing up and down, while my parents, uncle and aunt were having a chat with the owner. After half an hour he showed up. He asked me to try on a ready made pant, then again an option of pleats or no pleats. So i had to try on two pants. Why the hell do i need a tailor if he is going to copy a ready made pant. I almost reached critical mass. I would blow up anytime. I somehow calmed myself (or perhaps it was the AC duct above my head). He took some measurements and I answered his questions.
We left at 3Pm and came back at 730 PM.
I am glad that somehow my parents, uncle and aunt put up with me.

Match Maker Match Maker Find me a Match...

A song from the movie 'Fiddler on the roof'. As it happened , I went and met my match.
I'll leave the details of how I got to know my match, but I'll describe the event that unfolded after that. Our parents decided that we should meet. I agreed.
There were two meetings, one in her house and one in mine.
So here goes....
My father, mother, mama and me took a cab from our house to their house which was about 6km away. On the way we stopped to buy fruits, flowers and sweets. We kept our appointed time and reached at sharp 4PM. I was nervous when i got off the cab and made sure, i was behind my parents all the time. Her parents greeted us warmly and I was still a bit nervous. We came to the door step, and uncle asked us to go in with our shoes, I took a step inside and then turned around to see that my dad and mama taking of their shoes. I turned around and removed my shoes too. When i went in , we were asked to sit. I saw her sitting next to her mother, grandmother and aunt. I began to fell nervous all over again. I tried looking at her, but at the same time, I tried not looking her into the eye. I kept looking up and down, left and right. In the end, her father suggested that we speak in private. That was a huge relief. But i still asked her a question or two whist there.
We then went upstairs and had a chat. I was no longer nervous, we kept talking while aunty gave us delicious snacks. I asked her a lot of questions and she replied to all of them and vice versa. I didn't notice the time, and I got a message. I didn't bother checking, and we went on and on. Suddenly I got a missed call. It was from my dad. I then checked the message, which was sent half and hour ago, ' Come when you are done'. Well, it seems that we were talking for more than an hour and people downstairs ran out of topics. So we came down and I bade goodbye.
I had made up my mind....
The next day, I got a call, and she wanted to meet me regarding some clarifications. So we met in Coffee Day. If she could work?...I was okay with that. And then came the bouncer, She insisted that Tamil would be spoken at Home. I said Okay. ('You can speak in Tamil and I can reply in English' :P ). But in a way I was glad, I always wanted to learn my mother tongue. After a while she was looking out the door onto the main road, and I did the same. We spoke  a little in between gazing out at the main road. Perhaps we were out of topics.
It was late in the evening when I got to know that it was 'yes' from her too. So as per protocol, they needed to visit us at our place. I wasn't there, I missed the fun. My aunts from my father's side were there and one of them asked her to sing. I heard she sang well, my mother was all praises, and asked her to continue practicing.
Then they had the ceremony of exchanging plates and I am sure the plates were carrying something.
After all this was over, I got a call from my mami congratulating me,  and she filled me in with the details about the dates etc.
I don't know about her, but it was a nice experience for me.